SILENCE…is not to be feared.

I arrive in the New Mexico high desert jetlagged and disoriented…but excited to be at the Upaya Zen Buddhist Retreat Center.   In truth, I was excited, yes, but also daunted...

Running retreats is something I absolutely love to do.  It is an honour and privilege to hold space for people to step away from their daily lives and regain their sense of Self, their True Nature. 

My past experiences all feed in to how I plan and facilitate each weekend.  Some of my retreats are very traditional; mostly silent.  Others are more ‘westernised’ but still incorporate periods of held silence (for example during the Saturday afternoon) and always from around 9pm to after breakfast. 

But here’s one retreat I will never forget.  A strict, Zen Buddhist retreat in Santa Fe, New Mexico…

So I arrived in the New Mexico high desert jetlagged and disoriented…but excited to be at the Upaya Zen Buddhist Retreat Center.   I had booked myself in for a four-day silent retreat.  In silence, at all times. 

The Center was started by Roshi Joan Halifax (a fascinating woman – link to her Bio is below) and the community has a strong commitment to social service, with each of their projects serving many beings in the community and worldwide. 

Correct Clothing…You are asked to wear plain, dark clothing, with no obvious logos.  My T shirt was deemed a little too bright…so I bought a new dark blue one from their store.  No perfume, make up or anything that “feeds” the ego or expresses your personality.  Strict?  Rigid?  Maybe…but it really does bring us all down to the same level – and after a while I can’t tell you how freeing that felt!

We woke at 4am, showered, and walked in silence to the Zendo (mediation hall) and stood in silence at our set places.  When a bell sounded three times, we sat.  Crossed legged, on meditation cushions (chairs were available for those that couldn’t sit on the floor) and faced the wall. Right hand resting on top of the left, elbows soft, tips of the thumbs just touching.  Eyes half closed – or should I say half open?  The point was to keep fully present…aware of the breath, each inhale, each exhale.  Each inhale…each exhale…

After a period of time (usually 25 minutes), we stood, turned to our right and formed a line.  Hands in a different position – left thumb tucked into the left palm, other fingers close around the thumb, then the right hand wraps around the left.  Both held at chest height.  We walked, one half step at a time around the meditation hall.

Then back to sitting meditation, Zazen.

Was my mind busy?  Yes.  Did I experience physical discomfort?  Absolutely.  You Sit through it all.  Sometimes my leg or hip was screaming out for me to move.  You are encouraged to only move when you absolutely have to. 

This isn’t punishment – it’s a practise.  Because both your mind and body can create discomfort to take you away from the present moment.  Your body and mind also hold many stresses and during extended periods of meditation your system can begin to release them. 

And yes, you can move if you absolutely must – but very, very slowly to cause as little disturbance to your own practise and that of those near you.

After Zazen…a silent breakfast.   Then silent work practise…meditation in action as you wash up, prepare vegetables, clean the Zendo, even clean the toilets.  Being fully engaged with what you are doing – and noticing how the mind fills that silence (usually with a running commentary, resistance, little hints on what not to forget/what to remember…bla bla bla!)  Back to the breath.  Back to the practise.  Back to the job in hand…

A short time to walk, perhaps journal.  Then back for the next round of meditation. 

After a silent lunch (and clearing up), we sat with the Teacher who shared Buddhist texts and philosophy.  Another round of seated and walking meditation, this time with chanting. 

Early evening meal.  Chanting and meditation. 

Lights out between 8-9pm.  Up at 4am. Repeat.

Challenging, of course.  But liberating too.  Letting go of the inner, ongoing “to do” lists.  Letting go of the ego unconsciously wrapped up in what I did or didn’t wear, what my “successes or failures” were..

My take away?  The revealing of my True Nature through the extended meditation retreat time.  To welcome the silence, to understand how blissful that can be (alongside the ‘pain’ of it too – but that passes).  And on the last day, speaking with long term residents and students, listening to their wisdom, and inspired by their commitment to serving local communities based on Buddhist traditions.  Inspiring – and a privilege to experience this at Upaya, such a highly respected Zen Centre.

How does this influence the retreats I offer?  In addition to ensuring supported periods of silence are included in my weekends, a sense of inner rootedness and stillness within me will be holding the space for others. I gained that from this (and other) silent retreats. The older I get, the more I go deeper into traditional ways of practising.

Conscious retreats – no alcohol, limit phones as much as possible, eat healthily (vegetarian or vegan) and have a structured day which supports the nervous system to relax, to know it’s OK to Be…

“The silence was surprisingly comfortable.  I felt held…by Sarena’s stillness, by everyone else in the group, and by the practises we’d experienced that guided us into that silence (yoga, chant and short meditations). “ Kathy, Bristol.

Your journey into appreciating Silence could start with a yoga or chanting class (details below). Both will settle your body and mind, revealing an inner, quiet State that is beyond your personality; your True Nature. 

Our health is dependant on this inner calm that meditation, and in turn true silence, creates. Supporting a nervous system “reset”, good digestion and immunity. Mental health becomes steadier and in turn we are calmer and can be more objective about life events.

You may want to take it further and experience one of my weekend retreats (The Quiet Moon, October 16^th – 18^th 2026 in Dorset). It’s not the strict Zen style (!), but yes, we have moments of supported silence. It’s definitely a time to step away from daily life and reset. The weekend is open to beginners and those who’ve experienced retreats before.

here’s some links if you’re curious to learn, or experience, more…

Our Birch Moon Yoga Classes Starting from Monday 7th/Tuesday 8th September. In Person & Online

Vedic Chant for Beginners a 6 week course – Livestream/Zoom from Wednesday October 21st

Upaya Retreat Center, Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Roshi Joan Halifax